Who would you show up as in your role as a mom if you weren’t looking to the cultures standards regarding how you should be and weren’t basing your parenting on what you didn’t get growing up? I know this may be a tough question because none of us live in a vacuum. Although challenging to think about, I think it is crucial to come up with our own answer.
Because the ultimate answer to this question is our North Star.
So often I’ll find myself in a state of disappointment because I’m not living up to what our culture deems to be the ideal mom. The interesting thing is that I intentionally refocus on how I want to show up on a regular basis. However, if I’m not vigilant the cultures ideals or compensating for what I lacked as a child will sneak back into the way I show up.
This only results in feeling like I can’t win. And when I feel this way, I stop showing up for myself and everyone else. I find myself distracted on my phone or with a snack I don’t need to avoid feeling the disappointment which compounds it all.
So what is the solution? There are 2 steps. The first step is answering the question I asked at the beginning of this blog . The only guideposts that I use when answering this are the values from my faith. Other than this I will ask myself: when I am 95 and looking back what will I want to see regarding how I showed up as a mom throughout my life? And the number one answer always boils down to love and presence.
Will my schedule and the way I cleaned the house be significant? My guess is no. Will Pinterest-like birthday parties be what I will remember? No. It will all boil down to the thread of love I showed to myself, my children, and the world.
The second step is to look at your answer every day and burn it into your memory. Be on alert for feelings of defeat and guilt, because chances are that is a sign you’ve lost sight of your own North Star.
It’s also helpful to periodically check in and make sure that your answer still feels right for you.
Momma’s, when we follow our North Star we shine brightly as we are meant to do. We come from a place of love and lightness as opposed to resentment and guilt. We empower our children and the world to chase their own North Star instead of anyone else’s.
And you know what this makes for? A brighter future and mental wellness for all. And that is priceless.